New Beginnings

It’s almost ironic that a previous post I made was about ‘One Door Closing, Another Door Opening’.

Why? Well, let me explain.

I recently graduated with my associates degree, right? Then it took some time to find a job after- as the one I had was a service term that was only scheduled to be from August 2023 to the end of May 2024. So, graduating early May, taking a study trip abroad mid-May, and upon coming back to the states, my service term ended.

It took roughly three weeks before I officially started at a small graphic design place in the small town I live in. Great for starting out. I loved the people there, and I might have stayed longer – but I just didn’t feel like there was enough solid work for me to do there. I worked 8 to 5 most days and often didn’t have any actual design work to do. Plus, the rate of pay was rather… low. So, a month later, when the opportunity came up for a different job that guaranteed me something to do at all times (and with a higher pay) – of course, I took it.

It was at a place that I had volunteered at many times, the most recent being six months straight back in 2023. Thus, I was moderately familiar with the work and the people that worked there. It seemed like a no-brainer. Sure, I wasn’t doing design or creative work, but I got the opportunity to help people (feeding the elderly).

Unfortunately, that didn’t last. A month and a half in, while a part of me enjoyed what I was doing, there was a part of me that wasn’t truly happy. Perhaps it was the perfectionist part of me- the decent part of me. Food needed prepped and cooked at certain temps and at a certain speed. Perhaps I took a bit too much time at the cooking aspect of it, but I wanted to ensure the food was thoroughly cooked before serving it to anyone- let alone, the elderly in my community. I couldn’t take the time that I wanted to ensure this, and it began to drain me slowly, much like being a store manager in retail had. It was something I didn’t want to suffer through again- so I had to make the hard decision to walk. The boss I had there was understanding though and wished me the best in whatever I done.

Now, I’m sitting here, three weeks later once again, without a job. At first, it was hard on me. The situational depression lurked constantly, the dread of not having a paying job to pay my bills or continue saving up for my Study Abroad return trip to Ireland in the Spring weighing my mind down. The near 1500 I had saved at that point now dwindled down to 400 because of bills and a car payment. To top it all off, I’ve been sick with a head cold / sinus cold for the past four days now.

I’ve put in countless applications for paid internships and jobs, remote and nearby, hoping to snag something. Anything. Well- almost anything (I’ve yet to put in an application for any retail job. I told myself that I was retired from that life, and I am trying so hard to not fall back on that). I’ve received a few responses, the typical ‘Thank you but we’re going with a different applicant’ email, and it only made the depression worse. My sleep schedule got severely off track, my mental health taking a bit hit, and everything I loved to do became lackluster.

But this is where that saying comes in. ‘Another door opens’.

I’ve wanted to get into streaming (Twitch and Youtube) for a while. Never really had the time for it though, between working a full-time job and going to school full time. I know that I can’t expect to be the next Markiplier or anything, but if I can at least do something to stimulate some form of income by having fun, then why not give it a try? I’ve started the process of creating a VTuber Model, getting the assets and set up that I need to begin that, but there’s another part to it.

A lot of the job opportunities I feel, have passed me up because of the lack of experience; and it’s true. My portfolio is lackluster and needs more pieces of design work added to it. So, I’ve began putting in applications to unpaid internships – hoping that I can obtain at least one or two to gain more experience. With no full-time job taking up my time, I can put the 4-5 hours a week into an internship to gain that experience, which will hopefully get me to that job I’ve been desperately seeking.

This isn’t me giving up. No.

Quite the contrary.

This is me, waiting outside the door, in the perverbial lobby. Taking a seat in an available chair and opening a magazine to pass the time until that door opens.

And when it does, the wait will be so worth it.

-J